The Boys Who Cried Wolf
by ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: Five times Kurt thought he needed to rescue Chris and Darren, and one time he actually did…


**The Boys Who Cried Wolf**

 _Five times Kurt thought he needed to rescue Chris and Darren, and one time he actually did…_

 **Notes:** Although this one-shot is part of my _Gleeful Land of Stories_ 'verse, all you really need to know is that Chris and Darren have been transported into a fairytale world where Kurt is a total badass.

1.

"You know what they say about the best laid plans…"

"Yeah — unfortunately, they're the only ones getting laid tonight," Darren quipped.

Chris smacked him with a feather pillow. Darren was quick to retaliate, and soon the two were engaged in an all-out pillow fight.

They didn't realize how loud they were being until Kurt suddenly burst into their room, sai swords drawn. He stopped in confusion as he took in the scene: the rumpled bed, the two men clad only in boxer briefs, and the cloud of down filling the air.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt. I thought you were being attacked."

Darren froze mid-swing. "I was. This maniac is trying to beat me to death."

Chris took advantage of Darren's distraction to whack him in the ass with a pillow, releasing another puff of down into the air.

"See?" Darren said, in a mock-aggrieved voice.

Kurt backed slowly out of the room. "I'll just leave you guys to it…"

…

2.

Kurt paused in the hallway outside Chris and Darren's door. He heard sounds of a struggle coming from within.

A high-pitched voice called out, "Oh, god, Dare, you've gotta help me!"

There were several strained grunts, followed by a loud " _Ooof!_ "

Something heavy — and possibly human — crashed against the door.

" _Ow!_ "

Kurt flung the door open, prepared to do battle with whomever — or whatever — was attacking his friends. Instead, he was greeted by Darren, who was grinning triumphantly as he held up a pair of dripping pants.

A bare-legged Chris looked ruefully up at him from the floor. "Getting out of wet skinny jeans is a bitch."

…

3.

As Kurt passed by the castle kitchen, he heard a loud crash, followed by a shriek that could only have come from Chris.

A moment later, Darren's frantic voice cried, "No, no, _please_ … no, _don't!_ "

Kurt wasted no time, leaping into the room sai swords first. He was taken aback by what he saw.

Darren stood in the center of the room, picking bits of eggshell out of his curls, as raw egg yolk ran down over his triangular eyebrows. Chris was next to him, nearly unrecognizable, dusted head to toe in powdered sugar. A metal mixing bowl was upended on the floor between them.

"You'd better come back in half an hour," Chris suggested. "The brownies aren't quite ready yet."

…

4.

Kurt was beginning to feel embarrassed about the number of times when he'd unnecessarily rushed in to "save" his friends. However, he couldn't ignore the disturbing noises coming from their room.

First, there was the unmistakable sound of flesh being pummeled. Then, there were low, pained-sounding groans.

Taking a deep breath, Kurt barged into the room, ready for anything.

Well, almost anything.

He decided he wasn't quite ready for the sight of a shirtless Darren, lying facedown on the bed, groaning, as Chris's hands chopped rhythmically up and down his back.

Without a word, Kurt retreated to his own room, determined not to get involved in any more "rescue" attempts.

…

5.

Wanting a little quiet time to himself, Kurt had wandered out into the woods, climbed a tall tree, and decided to take a nap in its branches. He was dozing peacefully when he began to hear voices filtering up from below. The first was deep and growly, while the second was high and somewhat breathless.

"Well, hello, there, sweet young thing. What's your name?"

"I'm Daisy. Who are you?"

"I'm just a little lost puppy, all alone in this dark, scary forest. Do you mind if I follow you home?"

"Oh my, what big eyes you have, Puppy."

"The better to see you with, Daisy."

"Oh my, what a big nose you have, Puppy."

"The better to smell you with, Daisy."

"Oh my, what a big cock you have, Puppy."

"The better to _fuck_ you with, Daisy!"

The scream of _"Wolf!"_ was abruptly cut off by ferocious snarling and the sounds of a scuffle.

Suddenly wide awake, Kurt dropped to the ground, sai swords flashing. But instead of a big bad wolf ravishing an innocent maiden, he found Chris, wearing a fur coat, on top of Darren, dressed in a flowered frock.

Kurt's mind went completely blank. "What on earth is going on?!"

Chris and Darren exchanged looks.

"Nothing to worry about," Darren assured him. "Just a little harmless role playing."

Kurt felt his cheeks coloring as his brain kicked back into gear. _Role playing… Hmm…_

…

+1.

Kurt's resolution to leave Chris and Darren to their own devices was soon put to the test. As he was walking through the woods, he heard both of them crying out.

"Help!"

"Help!"

 _Don't fall for it,_ Kurt told himself. _They're probably just fooling around. Again._

But the voices, when they came again, sounded desperate.

"Please — somebody help us!"

"Kurt!"

At the sound of his name, Kurt rushed forward. Ahead, in a little clearing, he found Chris and Darren — and this time, they really did seem to be in need of his assistance. Enchanted vines had looped around their wrists and ankles, and they were both pinned spread-eagled on the ground, as more vines twined around their bodies.

"Oh, thank god," Chris gasped, as he caught sight of Kurt. "Can you cut us free?"

"And hurry," Darren added. "Some of these vines are getting a little personal, if you know what I mean…"

Kurt quickly sliced through the vines that were holding his friends and helped them to their feet.

"Thanks man," Darren said. "We owe you one."

"Yeah," Chris added. "If there's ever anything we can do for you, just let us know."

"Well…" Kurt hesitated a moment, then plunged into his request. "Do you think Blaine and I could borrow your Wolf and Daisy costumes?"

 **End Notes:** This story was inspired by a review Ginniegins (over on Scarves  & Coffee) left on Chapter 8 of _The Land of Stories: Gleeful Days Are Here Again_. If you want to read more about Chris and Darren's adventures in the fairytale world, I suggest that you begin with _The Land of Stories: Gleefully Ever After_. And please review. Who knows — you might inspire my next story. :D


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